Organization at the Mall
by KershaFangs
Summary: Organization XIII at a mall? Need I say it? Total choas ensues! [Parody] Chapter Two Up!
1. Getting Ready

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Organization XIII, or the mall. How I wish to own all three though... 

Author's Notes: Stuck on other story, writing this one instead. Also, note that almost EVERYTHING that happens during the course of this entire story has happened to me and my friend when we went to the mall or things that have happened to us once in our lives.

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All was calm and peaceful within The Castle That Never Was. Kingdom Hearts shone brightly and glimmered above the castle as the Nobody slept during, what was apparently, night. (But you can never really tell cuz' like... it's always dark or something...)

Xemnas stirred a little in his sleep, then sat up and yawned to the morning (If there are mornings in The World That Never Was...). He was very relax and glad, or at least as glad as a Nobody can be, until he looked on top of his counter by his bed. Circled several times over in bright red marker on the 9th on the calender were the words that brought dread and gloom to everyone and thing in existence and not...

Shopping Day... which was also known as the equivalent of the biblical Apocalypse to the Nobodies.

Quicker than you could even blink, Xemnas got up and ran out the room, to warn his fellow Nobodies.

**--- Organization at the Mall ---**

Standing in front of everyone, Xemnas stood solemnly and said in a low voice, "Everyone, I have terrible news... we're are going to the mall..."

"NO! Noooooo! Nooo! No, why?", screamed the Organization members. Demyx dropped to his knees and cried, "Xemnas! How many puppies have to die before you're happy!"

"Demyx, we only crashed into that pet store because Xigbar was reading while driving. Now he's not even allow to look at the car keys. Damn it Xigbar, what did I just say about looking at the keys!"

Xemnas quickly snatched the keys out of Xigbar's hands and hid them behind his back. "We have to go to the mall everyone. We're running out of food and we can't keep on living off of cardboard forever."

"Um, yeah... Sure we can!" Demyx quickly said, stuttering and taking a bite out of a shoe box.

"No we can't, Demyx."

"I tried eating a flower, but Marluxia called me a cannibal."

Xemnas raised an eyebrow to the totally random comment by Demyx. "Um...ok? Anyways, we all have to hurry and get ready. The sooner we go to the mall, the better chance that something may not be destroyed."

"Oh yeah, Xemnas, by getting ready... I assume you will put on some pants?"

"... Shut up..."

**Later That Day...**

Xemnas (Who was now wearing pants, mind you) paced through the room, muttering something. That is until our favorite hyperactive sliver-haired Xemnas-stalking girl we all know and love, Zephyr, jumped onto Xemnas' back and shouted happily in his ear, "Heya, Xemmy!"

"Zeph-Zephyr! What are you doing here!"

"Aw... Xemmy! You act like you're surprised to see me!"

"No, I guess I shouldn't be by now... Wait! Why are here? Shouldn't you be in school, like normal little girls are?"

Zephyr started giggling at this. "Oh Xemmy! You know I'm not normal! Anyways, the school won't let me go there anymore since like five of my teacher hung themselves. I dunno why, maybe cuz' I'm 'unteachable' like their suicide notes said.."

Xemnas sweat-dropped and asked, "Well then... go home!"

Zephyr let herself down from Xemnas' shoulders and paced in front of him. After a while she smiled at him and said in a cheery tone, "I can't!"

"What? Why not?"

"Cuz' like, my mom said I could come over here and like, then never come back. And then she like, went to Canada or something. She wouldn't tell me."

"Somehow I actually believe that.."

"And also like so I wouldn't get lonely, I brought with me like my best friend, Serenity!"

From behind Zephyr, a girl about a year younger than her with long dark midnight blue hair combed back except for one bang which hung over her left eye stepped in front of Xemnas and softly said, "Hi."

"Oh no, not another one... Zephyr, just go home with Serena, or whatever her name is!"

Serenity looked down mournfully at the ground and hoarsely whisper, "We can't... My mom, she's up there.." Serenity pointed up to the sky while trying to fight back a few tears.

Xemnas' angered face soon fell and he lowly said, "Up there... Oh, I'm so sorry..."

Serenity shook her head, nodding in agreement. "Yeah... and I bet she won't bring me a single souvenir from Canada!"

Xemnas anime-fell to the ground. "It's another Zephyr... another one!"

**Sometime Later...**

"Xemnas! Xemnas! Gimme a nickel! Xemnas! Xemnas, I want a nickel! Gimme a nickel! Xemnas, why don't you gimme a nickel? I want a nickel! Xemnas, Xemnas! Gimme a nickel!"

Xemnas growled in his throat and sharply glared at Zephyr. "If you want a nickel then.. go clean the car or something... Just get out of my face."

"Ok I'll do it!" and with that Zephyr and serenity skipped off to clean the car. _'At least now I have sometime alone...' _thought Xemnas.

He got up and went to check up on the other Organization members. The sooner they got to the mall, the less the authoress would have to write and then her A.D.D would make her distracted by something shiny... Oh, a penny! It's such a shiny penny! I'm going to name you Kyle and I'm going to love ya' and feed ya' and take care of ya', cuz' you're my shiny penn-- uh... and back to the story...

So far everyone was all prepared for the end of the world as their trip to the mall approached, except for Axel. Xemnas leaned uninterested on the door frame of Axel's room and spoke up. "Axel, when are you going to be done?"

"Hold on, Xemnas! I still gotta' put on my eyeliner!" (Oh yeah, like none of you KH fans noticed that Axel puts on blue eyeliner...)

Xemnas' eye twitched as he watch as Axel slowly applied his eyeliner, retracing the same area for several minutes. Finally, when Axel put down the eyeliner pencil Xemnas sighed in relief. "Ok, so now are you ready to go?"

"Hang on now, I gotta' fix it."

"ARGH!"

Xemnas tapped his foot impatiently as Axel rubbed lotion on a cottonswab and slowly fixed up his make-up (And yes I said make-up!), making the eyeline look sharper. Xemnas' eye twitched even more as more second ticked by on the clock. Then, after so long, Xemnas spoke in a ghastly tone, "Alright Axel, you are really starting to piss me off. Just go wait in the car when you're done."

Axel shrugged his shoulders. "M'kay."

Xemnas walked out and slammed Axe's door shut. Axel muttered under his voice, "Xemnas sure is bitchy today..."

**Again, Later...**

When all the Organization were ready and accounted for, they went in the garage to get the car. Zephyr were already there and stood in front of a very shiny (Yay, shiny!) silver 2004 Toyota Camery. Xemnas stepped in front of the crowd of Nobodies as they marveled in the gloriousness of the Shiny. Xemnas stuttered out, "Zephyr, Sareny!"

"Serenity", she corrected.

"Whatever. The car... it's amazing! I never even knew it was silver! I always thought it was like a deep purple or midnight blue. Man, chrome rims, leather interior, fuzzy dice... this car is amazing. And I was thinking about selling it..."

Zephyr went over and tapped on Xemnas' back as he stuck in his inside the car to find more things about it to adore. "Um, Xemmy... Can I have my nickel now?"

"Huh? Wha? Oh, yeah! Yeah, of course. And here's a dime as a bonus too."

Zephyr and Serenity giggled happily as they held their 15 cents together. "All right!" Serenity shouted happily. "I can add this dime to my dime collection I started yesterday. And now with this one, I have... 655,825 dimes."

Xigbar eyed the gleefully girl with a suspiciously look. "Where did you get all those dime? Where the hell do you live, Dime land? Where the dimes grow on trees and there are like little dime flowers that drop dimes everywhere? And the dimes..."

"Ok, we get it."

Xemnas rubbed his temples and heavily sighed. "Can we just go already? It's a long drive to the mall and I don't want to hear anymore about dimes."

"All right, let's go!"

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Alright, that was just the prologue. Trust me, it gets a lot more interesting. The next chapter is the car ride, and yes the car ide alone is important enough to make it a chapter by itself. Review, please.


	2. Car Ride

Disclaimer: I no own Kingdom Hearts, Organization XIII, or the mall. Get off my back.

Author's Notes: Alright, I have been so terribly lazy and all I wanted to write for a while was serious and beautifully typed up stories. I did that and now that's that out of my system I can get back to writing parodies! (Yay parodies!)

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All of the Organization waited impatiently in the Toyota for Xemnas to drive them over to the Mall; and how 10 grown men, and four teenagers were able to fit into that car, I don't know, this is what's happening, roll with it. Xemnas would have already been there, if there wasn't a certain _someone_ that was driving him on the brink of madness.

Xemnas cringed and his face twisted with anger and annoyance from Zephyr's constant and rapid, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" He tried to tune it out but she was in the seat next to him.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"…"

Xemnas looked right of him after hearing Zephyr miss a beat in their pointless argument. He blinked a few times and Zephyr mimicked this as well. She then leaned over and whispered into his ear:

"… Are we there yet now?"

With an exasperated groan, Xemnas yelled to Zephyr, "We haven't even moved the car yet!" Zephyr scoffed and pulled the seat back. "Then why don't you like drive already?"

"You have the keys…"

Zephyr looked at her palm and indeed, the cars keys were there. She sheepishly grinned and handed the keys over to Xemnas, feeling the hatred from 13 pairs of eyes burrow through her. Zephyr shyly chuckled, "Sorry…"

**--- Chapter Two ---**

Xemnas had an emotionless face on as he drove down the road. Suddenly he slammed down on the brake, causing everyone to fall forward and hit the windshield. "Sheesh guys, buckle up. You know there are cops out here?" Zephyr said as everyone returned to their seats and some mutter curses under their breath.

Xemnas turned around to face everyone and said with a serious tone, "Oh my KershaFangs, we forgot to get Roxxi!"

"No we didn't", responded Axel. "We purposely left her back so she couldn't screw up our trip to the Mall as much."

"Ah, yes. That's right" With that, Xemnas turned around and continued driving as if nothing had happened. He then thought to himself, '_I hope that Roxxi gets our letter and doesn't burn down the castle…'_

**At the Castle…**

Roxxi sleepily rubbed one eye and yawned as she opened the fridge. She then noticed a very shiny magnet. She then noticed that the shiny magnet was holding a letter addressed to her. It read:

_Roxxi,_

_Went to the Mall. Tried to wake you up, but couldn't find you under mess of Sora plushies in your room. Man, you like Sora! Be back later, _

_Organization XIII_

_P.S. MUAH AHA HAHA HAHAHA HA HAHA! Oops, did I just write that instead just doing out loud? Sorry!_

_KershaFangs_

Roxxi's once mellow face turned into a shocked one. She then ran over to the cabinets and took out a can opener and a can. Her eyes darting from one to another, Roxxi thought, '_Ok…ok, this cannot be that hard. Yeah… Yeah! I can do this! I can do this!'_

**Five seconds later…**

**BOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!**

The explosion knocked Roxxi back, breaking through a window and landing on Marluxia's garden. She gapped in horror at the sight before her; the entire castle was ablaze, the skies were a murky-blood red color and planes were falling from there, evil hellhounds roamed the land, and KershaFangs wrote and published a story in beautiful style and detail without it being about Kingdom Hearts, Zephyr, and it wasn't funny.

Roxxi stood back in terror of the unbelievable events occurring before her. Gathering and mustering even courage to speak, Roxxi said, "Ehh… That's solve itself out", shrugged it off and went to stalk Sora.

**Back in the car…**

Serenity, out of the corner of her eye, gave a sly look towards Zephyr. Zephyr caught this glance and looked at Serenity in puzzlement. Serenity then propped herself onto Axel's lap, he being taken back and Serenity smiling smugly, she said," Look Zephyr. I'm sitting on Axel's lap.

Zephyr glared at Serenity and then had a smug grin on her face.

Serenity's eyes went wide as Zephyr said, "Hey Serenity, look! I'm sitting on Xemnas' lap!"

"Zephyr, get off! I can't see the road! Get off me! We're going to crash!"

Xemnas was able to shoved Zephyr back into her seat and took back control of the steering wheel. Suddenly, a loud siren was heard and a white car with flashing red and blue lights followed Xemnas. "Damn…" whispered Xemnas as he pulled over for the police.

The cop stepped out of the cruiser and walked over toward their car. Xemnas glared menacing at Zephyr. He spoke sharply at her, "Do. Not. Say. A. Word. You understand, Zephyr? Not a sound…"

Zephyr scoffed and said, "Yeah, whatever…"

The policeman tapped on the car window and Xemnas rolled it down. "You were swerving a bit back there, buddy. Have you been drinking? Wait, why is that poor little girl hand-cuffed to you?"

Xemnas stuttered a bit as he turned around; Zephyr had apparently handcuffed herself to him when he wasn't looking. "You little-" Xemnas was interrupted by Zephyr leaning over to the cop and started speaking sobbingly. "Officer! Officer! Help me! I met this man on MySpace and he lured to his house with promises of candy and funny stories! He then kidnapped me and locked me in his basement; doing things to me I cannot say…"

The police officer then pulled Xemnas out of the car and undid Zephyr's handcuff to re-cuff him with another pair. "Sir, you have a right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."

"Wait, what?" Xemnas was shocked; he was going to jail and Zephyr was enjoying every second of this moment. Axel then whispered into Zephyr's ear, "Come on this isn't funny… actually it's hilarious, but Xemnas can't go to jail now. No one else here knows how to drive."

Zephyr scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Fine." She then let herself out of the car and ran over to the policeman, who was loading Xemnas into the back of his car. "Officer, I was just kidding."

"What?", asked the cop. "Yeah, what?" repeated Xemnas. He was as shocked as the cop right now. Zephyr sighed, looking down and said, "This man is actually my father. You see, I'm legally insane, and to make I don't run away and get hurt he handcuffs me to himself. Isn't that right, Daddy?"

Xemnas was a bit taken back by Zephyr suddenly hugging him and helping him, right after she caused him to be in this situation. Hooray for bi-polar girls. The policeman leered at Xemnas. "Is this true? Are you this girl's father?"

"Uhh... Sure, if it means I don't have to go to jail. Come on, Zephyr, and let's get the hell out of here." Xemnas ran into his car, but was stopped by the cop once again. "Not so fast. You're not going anywhere just yet!"

Xemnas smashed his head on the steering wheel. "Shit… what now, officer?"

"Your license plate has expired."

"What? When?"

"Three seconds ago."

Xemnas was gaping at the sudden plot twist before him. "It shouldn't matter if the plate expired only a few seconds ago- wait, how in the world would you know how many seconds it was expired?"

"Ok, one, you were behind the wheel of the car three seconds ago so it does matter, and two… I just do. And now looking inside your car I noticed that there are… 15 people in a car designed for four people, maybe five if in the backseat are children. Either way, I have to check up your record. Lemme' see your driving license."

"Ah, shit…" Xemnas took out his wallet and searched though it. Yet he couldn't find his license, no matter how much he tried. "Zephyr, I can't find my license. You look for it, you're good at stealing stuff."

Zephyr searched through his wallet as well, her eyes focused and scanning through it. With a 'tsk', Zephyr handed back Xemnas his wallet. "Sorry, Daddy, I couldn't find it. But on another note you have exactly 188 dollars and 15 cents."

Xemnas narrowed his eyes. "188 dollars huh?"

"Well, 62 now…"

Xemnas glared at Zephyr, but turned back to the policeman. "I'm sorry but I can't seem to find my license…"

"That's because you got your license suspended for a year after you crashed into that pet store a few months ago."

Xemnas narrowed his eyes at Xigbar and growled.

"Nonetheless, I have to take you in, unless…"

Xemnas saw this as a chance for bartering. "Unless, what?"

The cop took off his sunglasses, wiping them a bit and then he took out a pad and pen and handed to Xemnas. "I can make this whole deal, this whole mess just go away if you… like, gimme' your autograph!"

And it was around this time that Xemnas noticed that this police officer was actually a 14-year-old girl with a copy of the Kingdom Hearts game in her hands. Xemnas was terrified and unable to move in the presence of fan girls. It took Axel leaning over and yelling, "Oh KershaFangs, it's a stalker fan girl! Step on it, Xemnas, now!" to snapped him back into reality. Before you could even blink, Xemnas was out of there like Sora and Riku at a Yaoi Fan girl convention. (Poor Riku… he was never the same again…)

Everyone in the car sighed relieved that that milestone of their trip was overcome. For a while, the car ride was peaceful and normal. KershaFangs didn't like this, so there was a… umm… Oooo! I got it! There was a flash flood!

"Aw, damn it! A flood in the middle of October, what are the chances? Ugh… this is going to ruin the engine…" yelled Xemnas. He drove through the water rather than around it because more cars were going around the flooded area and there were getting backed up.

Zephyr (who now was in the backseat because Xemnas couldn't afford if a real cop came and then Zephyr said something else retarded. That and she was calling him Daddy and it was getting annoying) was now sitting next to Axel and Serenity; or rather Zephyr was sitting next to Serenity who was sitting on Axel.

Looking through the window and at the high water with amazement, Zephyr said to Xemnas, "Wow the water is really high! Daddy, take off the window locks, I wanna roll down the window and see if I can touch the water!"

Xemnas growled in his throat. "Only if you stop calling me Daddy…" With that Xemnas took off the locks. Zephyr then quickly gave Xemnas a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks Daddy!"

"I'm not your Daddy!"

Zephyr stood up in the car and bend over the open window. She laughed and said to everyone, "Look, I can touch the water!" Just then, several cars came by and started splashing water into the car. Zephyr was hiding under the driver's seat to stay dry and Serenity hid behind Axel, but seeing how Axel protected her from the incoming liquid as well as holding a toothpick would, she and Axel both got drenched with water. "Ah! Stop it! Stop the water from coming in! Zephyr help!" screamed Axel like a little girl. If there was anything Axel hated, it was getting water on his make-up.

Zephyr fumbled with the window up/down button… switch… thing… I don't know what its call and I don't wanna found out! After being directly splashed three times, Zephyr yelled back, "It's not working!"

Another wave came in and another girlish shriek from Axel was heard. "Roll up the window, Zephyr! ACK! Up!"

"_Ohhh_…. Up!"

Zephyr flipped the switch up and the window smoothly ascended. Serenity blinked a few times while staring at the now straight black haired Axel who shivered in his seat. "Oh, wow… Axel… I never knew that water did _that_ to your hair." Axel muttered something under his breath. Louder he then said, "Look, the rain has stopped, the water is going away, let's just go to a place or something and dry off… and get new clothes for you two…"

Axel looked in the two teenage girl's direction. It was then and there they realized that Zephyr's _white _dress was drenched and Serenity's soaking wet black cotton mid-drift, which now clung to _all_ of her body features.

Blushing madly, the girls covered themselves up with their arms, and bashfully whispered, "Yeah, good idea…"

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I told you guys the car ride alone was going to have to be a chapter alone. The next one is when they go to Wal-Mart. I know, I know you're thinking 'WTFBBQ? When do they go to the mall?' Well this isn't like most Orgi at Mall fanfics. There are jokes along the way of them heading towards the mall and this one actually has some shreds of originally… Some… Anyways, Review!


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